Trying to Let Go
by Windgirl20
Summary: "I don't want you to go..." she finally admitted, breaking down into his shoulder, as the tension of holding it in the last few days escaped her. Matt sighed and at first Jenna thought it was a agitated sigh, a humoured sigh even... But it wasn't. It was a tired sigh. Like he knew. "Oh Jen... Nor do I..." Matt replied as he held her there... {Matt and Jenna fic}
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_'Ok thank you everybody and that's a wrap on the Doctor Who Christmas special and a golden wrap on the 11th Doctor Matt Smith!..'_

Jenna stood outside the entrance to BBC Cardiff Centre and tightened the grip on the strap of her handbag. She was more than a little apprehensive about the whole ordeal. It was about four hours after Jenna had wrapped on the last scene of the Doctor Who Christmas Special and and that meant the Wrap Party. Well technically Matt's leaving party but no one called it that. Only thought it.

To be frank that just made it more awkward.

Another thing that was making tonight awkward was Karen Gillian. Nobody was going to twist her words. She loved Karen, they were good mates but so were her and Matt in fact Karen and Matt, they were best mates and as selfish as it sounded Jenna somehow knew that she was going to be stuck in the middle, between them talking about the days when they ruled Doctor Who. It sometimes felt as if they were closer but Jenna always knew that was nonsense. Matt loved then both equally she was sure... It was just so _complicated_...

A shiver woke her up from her daydream as she realised she was still standing outside the main entrance. She looked around to make sure no one had seen her frozen there in the cold before walking in, the rush of hot air immediately following in her wake as she made her way round the building and to the Wrap Party.

Even she was calling it a Wrap Party...

The BBC looked empty at this time of night only a couple of programmes running at this time and no visitors, the security guards the only people in the main reception. She walked past them, finding herself hanging her head as she did, slightly intimidated by them. They nodded at her nevertheless as she flashed her pass as the door opened and she headed down the corridors.

She could hear the music before she reached the set the party was in. She wiped her hands slightly on her dress in an attempt to make them less clammy. Then, head held high, she walked into the room; coloured disco lights and music throwing her slightly before she planted a fake smile on her face, greeting members of cast and crew, making small talk as she was handed a drink and pushed towards the main bar. She looked around as she talked hearing the commotion from the end of the hall before realising who it could be.

She excused herself quickly and made her way to the noise, smiling and placing her drink to the side. It was Matt. She knew it was, she would recognise that voice from anywhere.

But it was also Karen and she scolded herself as she realise her heart had dropped when she heard the Scottish voice. She was being selfish. She had a boyfriend and she loved him. She didn't need Matt all to herself.

She found herself stopping though, just a little distance off, just watching them. They were laughing about something. Karen looked so ridiculous laughing with tears streaming down her face and her ginger hair everywhere. She had to admit she did love the woman. Just a bit.

She giggled slightly, despite not knowing what was going on over there. But it was as if Matt heard her despite all the background noise and the music because suddenly he turned and spotted her, smiling.

"Jenna!" he cried over the noise of the music, as suddenly she was running towards him, Matt scooping her up and spinning her round slightly before plonking her back on the ground and hugging her tightly. "Hey mate,"

"Hi," she said, too quietly for anyone to hear but him as she nuzzled inside his jacket.

"Look I told you I was irresistible!" he joked as Karen laughed.

"You are _far_ from irresistible!" she retorted.

"Well I beg to differ!" he smiled as Jenna poked her head up again, hitting him lightly on the arm. "Oi! I know! Stand on my feet!"

"What?" Jenna asked smiling, confused.

"Stand on my feet!" he repeated as Jenna kicked off her high heels and obliged. Matt smiled then as Jenna clung onto him he started walking back towards Karen, Jenna walking with him on top of his feet, giggling as she finally fell off.

"You two are ridiculous!" Karen laughed.

"Says the ginger!" Matt replied as they shared a knowing look and burst out laughing. Jenna watched them, determined not to be awkward.

"Just cause I remind you of the spice girls!" Karen cried as Matt smirked. Another inside joke then...

"Yeah ginger spice!" Matt laughed.

"What spice are you then?" Jenna asked lightly, trying to be part of this conversation.

"Oh don't worry Jen..." Matt replied as he and Karen shared another knowing look.

"No! Which spice would you be?" Karen asked suddenly interested in teasing him.

"Oh sporty spice!" Matt cried.

"You would not be sporty spice!" Karen laughed.

"Well you used to do all that football didn't you?" Jenna said.

"See! Football! It's a sport!" Matt smirked. "Thank you Jenna!"

"Oh don't even start you are not sporty spice!" Karen contradicted.

"Yes I so am!" Matt laughed.

"No!" Karen cried her Scottish accent coming strongly through.

"'No!'!" Matt imitated as she hit him playfully. "Just cause your too scared to admit I'm as gorgeous as Melanie Chisholm!"

"Oh! No, no, no!" Karen began before suddenly the music faded.

"Hello everyone," Steven cut through from the middle of the hall as he tapped his glass loudly to shut everyone up. "Matt?" he asked as Matt walked to the middle taking one of the two microphones Steven had. "Right well I'm going to say this hopefully like a man and not burst into tears myself!" he started as laughter echoed across the room. "As we all know it's Matt's last day today and I feel sort of sentimental about the whole thing. Me and Matt started off together, I was the new runner of the show, Matt the new Doctor and frankly between us we had no experience! We were beginning to ask questions such as 'will this ever work?' And I'm sure most of you were as well!" Steven said as the tension faded from the group. "And I'm happy to say that, Yes! Yes it did and I have to thank Matt for making it work with me and for... For being the Doctor. So thank you. Thank you Matt. Round of applause!" he finished brushing away the single tear rolling down his cheek as Matt patted him on the back, just managing to keep it together himself...

Jenna watched finding herself battling tears as she blinked wildly and clapped. She didn't want Matt to go and strange denial she'd been in made it harder to admit.

He was going...

Strange doubts had only just begun to cross her mind though. Questions of weather he would miss her. He'd admitted that he'd begun to wonder weather he should have done another year, maybe even with David but they were never more than just thoughts and now it was too late. She was truly going to miss him more than she knew she did now. Weather or not he would miss her in the same way she might never know... She hoped so though...

"Speech! Speech!" Karen suddenly cried as other members of the set and crew joined in and Matt laughed, holding his hands up to quieten them down.

"Fine! Fine!" he laughed. "Don't expect it to be as good as Moffat's though! Could you just go and write me a speech? Yeah thanks mate!" Matt joked with Steven before turned back to the group. "Well Of corse I have everyone to thank for this amazing, incredible experience. Steven of corse and the cast and crew, especially my co-stars, you're all amazing, Karen, come here you big ginge!" he said as she laughed and ran over. "And of corse, yeah everyone thank you, thank you so much, now I'll shut up before I start crying!" he finished as the party applauded and the music came back on.

He didn't mention her...

Not like it was a big deal, it was one silly speech but it felt like a kick in the stomach to Jenna as Karen and Matt hugged wildly and she ran over to talk to Alex and Matt came back to Jenna smiling.

"Good speech? Hey I didn't cry! Much!" he smiled as Jenna looked up at him.

"Yeah, yeah... It was good..." she replied trying to act as best as she could. She was good at acting at least...

"Hey that's a start! What are you up to now then? Going back home?" he asked not noticing the emotion behind her voice. Jenna was glad of that although part of her wanted to break down in front of him. Admit her true feelings..?

"Yeah... Going back home to drop of some stuff and see everyone, Richard mainly, then coming back for read-throughs and interviews then I'm going home again for Christmas," Jenna replied not looking at him directly.

"Ah! That's something I won't miss! The interviews!" he smiled. Jenna didn't smile back for a moment lost in though as Matt frowned at her. "You ok Jen?" he began as Karen suddenly called him over.

"Matt come and look at this this is hilarious!" she cried as he looked back at Jenna.

"It's fine you go," she butted in before he could speak.

"Matt!" Karen called again.

"I'll be back," he smiled as he ran over. Jenna watched him for a moment as he laughed with Karen and Alex.

"No you won't..." she whispered as she walked away.

"Jenna!" Karen suddenly called as Jenna turned. "Come over here you big oaf!" Jenna smiled, walking back over to the group. "Oh God my hair in this photo!"

"I can't believe you brought your phone to my leaving party!" Matt cried, the words 'leaving party' stinging Jenna more than she'd anticipated.

"It's a camera phone! Stop being such a spoil sport!" Karen cried in reply before turning back and showing the group a picture of her and Matt that she must have taken before Jenna got there. "Isn't this like when me and you, Matt, were in Cardiff town centre?"

"Oh yeah! That was a laugh!" Matt smirked.

"Yeah and we me these..." Karen started.

"Fans!" Matt and Karen cried together before bursting into laughter. "With the orange hats!"

"And they were like..." Karen began explaining to the rest of them as Jenna phased out. Matt was staring at Karen, Karen at the photo. Their memories... Jenna felt almost like an intruder.

She didn't want to see Matt so happy. She wanted him to cry, to be upset, to not want to leave. She wanted him to feel how she felt...

She felt so selfish but it wasn't fair it just wasn't _fair_...

"Jenna? Jenna!" Matt asked bringing her out of her daydream. "Are you sure your ok? You've been staring into space for the last ten minutes and I know that Kazza is boring, trust me, but-"

"Oi!" Karen interrupted as Jenna came back into life.

"No I'm fine I just need to..." she started, excusing herself, before walking calmly off until she was out of sight of the others, then beginning to run, only letting the tears come when she was fully outside the building. Matt watched her go, his eyes narrowing slightly with worry and confusion.

Something was _wrong_...

Xoxo

The cold air hit Jenna roughly as she stepped into the night but she adjusted quickly and walked over to a bench nearby. It was too stuffy in there... She just needed to clear her head...

She sat down leaning back and wiping the tears from her eyes sighing. She's didn't know what to do anymore... She would be fine maybe in the next week? But at the moment she was lost...

"Jenna?" a voice asked from the distance as Jenna turned her head. She just wanted to be alone.

_Matt..._

He spotted her as she sat up and he walked up to where she was, sitting beside her and wrapping an arm round her.

She didn't want to be alone of corse she didn't want to be. She leaned into him, lifting her, still bear feet, up onto the bench as well, letting her hair cover her face as he kissed her on the forehead. She would treasure that kiss...

"What's up? Hey?" he asked softly into her hair. "Your shivering," he said as he wrapped his arms tighter around her. Jenna knew she wasn't really shivering. She was shaking. But that didn't matter. Not anymore.

"I'm ok..." she protested her voice breaking slightly as she laughed.

"I've been ignoring you haven't I?" he smiled genuinely. "Don't give me that face! Of corse I've noticed! I'm sorry..."

"It's fine I... Don't want to be a drag!" Jenna smiled and sitting up slightly.

"No! Your many things-" Matt started before leaning into her comically. "Short being one of them..!" Jenna giggled, slapnping him playfully on the chest. "Hey got you laughing!.. No I know... I am ignoring you, I know I am,"

"And that's fine, I'm sure you have your reasons," Jenna replied.

"I do have my reasons! Well my reason... You see Karen left ages ago. I don't get much chance to see her anymore..." Matt explained.

"And you want to see her now," Jenna sighed sadly. He wanted to see Karen rather than herself... That stung...

"No! No! It's not like that at all!" Matt contradicted her as her heart lifted a little. "Karen left an age ago but I'm leaving you today... And I don't want to leave you Jen, your my best mate. I've been ignoring you cause I'm an idiot. I thought I'd miss you more if I spent the whole of tonight with you and I'm right I will. But it's worth it Jen... _You're_ worth it..." he finished as Jenna looked up at him. He was telling the truth. She could tell by looking in his deep hazel eyes and looking at the worried look written across his face. She smiled broadly as he relaxed hugging her tightly once more.

"Thank you..." she whispered into the cold night.

"What's up then Jen? Come on I'm all ears..." Matt said as she sighed slightly, resting her head on top of his shoulder...

"It's just..." she began as Matt waited patiently for her reply.

"What?" he prompted, his warm breath tickling her bear neck. Jenna smiled into him looking up as he stared down at her with a warm smile.

"I don't want you to go..." she finally admitted, breaking down into his shoulder, as the tension of holding it in the last few days escaped her. Matt sighed and at first Jenna thought it was a agitated sigh, a humoured sigh even... But it wasn't.

It was a tired sigh. Like he knew.

"Oh Jen... Nor do I..." Matt replied as she scooted further towards him and he held her there, as they stayed there, in each other's arms. Jenna wished she could just freeze the perfect moment. But she couldn't...

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hi! Well this is exciting isn't it? :) Happy 2014 everyone!  
So basically I'm going to be updating once a week, every week depending on how popular this get (y'know reviews = more chapters :D) and it's going to be switching back between the present day and the times when Jenna and Matt were on set in Doctor Who if that makes any sense! Oh you'll get it! Lots of Soleman in this but-  
Ohhh you'll have to wait and see! Any ideas are welcome so review! Ok it's God knows what hour in the morning for me so I'm going to sleep haha! Night x


	2. The Snowman

Snowman

**A/N ok so basically in this chapter we go back in time, woooo!, to when they were filming the Christmas episode. Then next chapter we go back into the main story line if you get what I mean :) oh and also I did a lot of research whilst writing this and all the events that happen in this chapter are TRUE. Which is hilarious but you'll see what I mean... ;)**

Xoxo

"Evening," Matt smiled as Jenna got into the car taking them to location in Newport. She was in her Victorian dress complete with corset which Jenna found very self conscious putting on in wardrobe. It was a lovely dress though, fitting snugly over her chest and flowing down at her hips until it came just above her ankles. It was very difficult trying to put a seatbelt on though...

It wasn't her first day on the set of Doctor Who but it was her first day acting with Matt. In her previous episode, Asylum of the Daleks, she'd been two weeks in a tiny set acting with herself. Now she was out and acting with her co-star for the first time. And that co-star was currently helping her put _on_ her seatbelt...

"Done it?" Matt asked as Jenna nodded smiling back. Jenna knew Matt relatively well as he was one of Richard, her boyfriends, closest friends. Being older than the two of them as well, he sometimes almost seemed like her older brother in a way.

"So first day on set..." Jenna announced breaking the silence as the car drove off.

"I know!" Matt beamed a sudden glint in his eye showing. "Excited?"

"Yes! God yes! Nervous though," Jenna replied beginning to bite the corner of her thumb not knowing herself until Matt gently prised it away.

"You'll be fine. I was nervous as well but you'll be fine, you're amazing anyway..." Matt smiled as Jenna blushed slightly.

"You sound like you know what you're doing!" Jenna grinned.

"Not a bit!" he laughed in reply. "I just kinda go with the flow if you know what I mean, you can't predict anything with Doctor Who trust me, I've been on set rehearsing for a scene when it's been changed halfway through!"

"Oh wow, right!" Jenna laughed.

"Ah no, you'll be fine, trust me... I'm the Doctor," Matt winked making Jenna giggle. "Do you like my hat?" he suddenly asked holding up the Victorian like head gear.

"Oh that's very swish isn't it?" Jenna agreed feeling the felt with her fingertips. "Oh your Doctor likes his hats doesn't he?" she asked.

"My Doctor likes anything that's cool!" Matt replied and Jenna laughed again. Matt had a knack of managing to make her laugh easily... "You haven't watched any episodes of Doctor Who have you? I keep on forgetting,"

"Nope never watched a single one! Oh apart from Eleventh Hour I suppose, but I didn't watch it all..." Jenna smiled. Her and Steven had felt it best to keep it that way when she got the role, so meeting the Doctor for the first time could be more natural. She did feel slightly out of her depth though, not knowing of the background to the story of this mysterious man.

"Oh that one was a belter! The classic ones are good..." Matt said as suddenly the sight of vans and wind machines caught Jenna's attention...

"Woah..." she breathed as the set came into view. The crew were in the middle of turning it into a winter wonderland, some spraying 'snow' onto the pavement and others covering up normal shop signs. There were horse drawn carriages trotting along the new white streets. The thing that struck Jenna most of all though was the crowds that had gathered at either ends of the road. "Are they all for..?" she asked as Matt nodded his eyes gleaming again.

"You'll have to get used to this Miss Coleman," he smiled. "They're all for you,"

"You mean they're all for _you_," Jenna smirked as they drove through the parted crowds. Jenna had never been immersed in so many screaming fans in her life. It was a mad and crazy world, Doctor Who... But she kinda liked it.

The car stopped suddenly as Matt winked at Jenna and undid his seatbelt. She could hear the cries of the crowd loud enough from inside the car but when Matt opened the door they went crazy in ear shattering volume as he stepped out. Jenna had a moment of panic having never done it before but she couldn't dwell on it as suddenly her door was opened and she stepped out, her seatbelt being thankfully easier to undo... He dress billowed out from underneath her as Matt noticed her standing there, overwhelmed. He held out his hand as Jenna gratefully took it.

She had to admit that Matt was cute. Well no, he was good boyfriend quality... Not that she needed a boyfriend, she had Richard. She smiled at that thought. She was allowed to think that about Matt though... To be honest she was just grateful for him being there as she gripped his hand him leading her away from the crowds and into the set.

_The set..._

A normal street taken back in time... It wasn't too cold outside although the temperature was dropping by every hour it went into the evening, especially as it was nearing the end of August and Autumn was fast approaching, not to mention that it was a night shoot. Anyway, Jenna was grateful for the warm but decidedly giant duffel coat...

All of this she'd probably say in some sort of confidential interview. Apart from the bit about Matt of corse...

"There they are," Matt pointed out with his free hand. Jenna turned and saw the confidential crew setting up in one of the alleyways. A member of crew came over to Matt as they shook hands.

"Evening! Hey Christmas has come early!" he cried as Matt laughed heartily. The whole team was like one big happy family, Jenna liked that.

"Jenna this is Paul, Paul, Jenna," Matt introduced as Jenna smiled and waved slightly, Paul reaching out and taking her hand.

"Welcome, Clara!" he smiled using her character name. Jenna laughed slightly. "Looking forward to tonight?"

"Yeah it's exciting," Jenna replied honestly. "And cold!"

"You've got that right! Lovely dress by the way!" Paul joked as Jenna laughed. "Your going to freeze,"

"Hope not!" Jenna laughed back.

"Jenna!" a voice suddenly called from behind. She turned and and saw a young female member of crew smiling at her nervously. "Your here, ok that's good, can you come with me?"

"Yeah sure..." Jenna replied smiling back as Paul and Matt continued on their conversation. She started to follow slightly apprehensively and Matt must have sensed this somehow because within seconds his was by her side. "Hello," she smiled.

"Well I wasn't going to leave you on your very first day!" he smiled as Jenna smiled back, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She felt a little like a child walking beside him but half of her liked it, wanted to stay by his side.

Another part of her looked at the crazy world behind her. After being on period drama after period drama for the last couple of years this was a surprisingly different change. And she could tell it was going to be a _hell_ of a lot of fun...

Xoxo

"Ok get ready for a take guys, camera on Jenna!" the director, Saul, cried. Jenna nodded and she got to her position. It was an easy scene in comparison, very little lines, only her crying out as she ran after a Victorian cart. The only difficultly in this shot was the fact that she was running directly in front of a camera which was very hard to ignore but also to try and not run into it. It had be ok in rehearsal though so Jenna was quietly confidant.

Matt was at the side watching her and getting his make up done as the scene took place. There was no cart needed in this take, the cameras purely on Jenna.

"Ready?" Saul cried as Jenna nodded, putting her thumb up and hitching her dress so it was above her ankles.

"Right Scene 44 take one, A mark,"

"B mark,"

"And action!" Saul shouted as the wind machines started and the cameras moved backwards, Jenna taking it as her cue to start sprinting and shouting the Doctors name in her cockney London accent she used for this version of the character. She was doing fine with the running and started to relax a little, beginning to imagine what the character was feeling a bit more, gradually becoming more like her before-

WHAM

Jenna felt the cold metal hit her forehead and the pain rush through her head before she realised what was happening. She stumbled backwards, immediately putting her hand to her head as Saul shouted cut and a few members of the team started to run forwards, Matt being one of them supporting her, as she finally caught her breath, getting her bearings back.

"Jen you alright?!" he asked his voice a mixture of worry and something else that Jenna couldn't quite place at that point in time.

"Mmm, yeah... What happened?" she asked ever so slightly dazed.

"You head butted the camera Jen," he replied as Jenna realised the other emotion in his voice. _Humour..._

"I what?.." she asked, bemused by the whole idea.

"You ran into the camera, Jenna why can't your remember?" Matt replied, now panicking slightly as he suddenly held up two fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up? Jen?"

"Two! I haven't got concussion Matt!" she cried as she noticed the other members of cast and crew staring at her worriedly. She felt half embarrassed, not really wanting the attention. "I was just... I don't know I wasn't thinking about what was in front of me!"

"Really?!" Matt asked as suddenly she burst into giggles, Matt smiling, the tension gone again as half the street relaxed.

"Right reset to go again!" Saul laughed. "Jenna you ok for another shot?"

"Yeah I'm fine!" Jenna replied happily as one of the make up girls ran up to her.

"Thank goodness it's only a red mark!" she smiled patting fresh powder onto her forehead. "We can deal with a bruise tomorrow!"

"Right! Scene 44 take two, A mark,"

"B mark!"

"And action!"

Xoxo

Two weeks passed and soon Jenna found herself swept along to another location this time in Bristol. Another snowy street filled with Victorian extras and horses. Jenna had found her confidence from day one, the cast and crew being so nice, so welcoming. Matt was charming as well, always giving her sideways tips and guiding her through the whole thing.

The crowds were bigger this time, held back at the ends of the streets. Matt had gone down to both ends to say hello, Jenna didn't need to at the moment. No one knew who she was... Some part of her was grateful but she was looking forward to being immersed in such an amazing fandom. As soon as he came back filming would begin. At the moment though she was just getting her make up redone and keeping warm by an electric heater.

She was chatting confidently with one of the make up girls when suddenly a face popped up from behind the wall. It was Matt beaming at her with his slightly snow topped hat.

"Ready?" he asked as Jenna grinned.

Xoxo

It was on that evening that Jenna found herself on the floor with Matt... Very wet. Not like that but he two had a scene which involved her character imagaining the snowman like monsters melting. One second she was crouching down on the floor with Matt, their foreheads close to touching and the next second she had been covered in a bucket of freezing water, thrown on by one of the crew.

Even though after a few shots Jenna knew what was coming she still jumped a little as the water began to trickle down the back of her dress. She found herself shivering after takes and much to her surprise and a little to her delight she found herself wrapped up in Matt Smith's arms not too long after.

"Warmer?" he asked softly as she nodded grinning at him.

"Much," she admitted, some kind of presence and heat radiation from the actors body. She almost felt flustered in his arms but would never bring it up at all. He tried slightly to wriggle out of his grasp but he held her in close as she began to relax into his chest. It was much warmer than her duffle coat to be honest...

"Ok!" he smiled rocking her back and forth on her feet before finally letting go. "Back to work!"

"Right we're going to do that scene one more time," Saul cried over the noise of the crew. "But I promise only one more time..." he added with a smile mainly to Jenna and Matt. All at once, make up was running over and fixing both their hair, so they looked the same as how they did before and the rest of the crew covered the now soaking part of the pavement with fake snow again.

This time the scene was better, Jenna probably thought because of the added adrenaline she got from being wet. Matt was better as well, the two of them, bounding along the street and pretending to get scared by snowmen that were rising from the ground when in reality there was nothing there. It was a funny old life really but not too crazy until the two were again crouched on the floor.

Clara, Jenna's character was meant to be scared, panicking in the grasp of a stranger but as Jenna felt the warm breath tickling her nose, she couldn't help but stare at Matt and into his eyes which she couldn't tell were a shade of green or a shade of brown...

All these thoughts were rushing through her mind as she said her lines, almost without thinking. And then Matt had grasped her neck pulling her closer, his eyes now clenched and not visible their foreheads once again so nearly touching, just at the spot where she'd bruised it two weeks before... and a tingling feeling racing down her spine. She didn't like him but she deny that she was defiantly feeling something...

And then it was all over in a shower of cold water and the gasp that escaped Jenna's lips due to the cold hitting her bear skin as 'Cut!' was called and the duffle coat was handed back to her, now slightly heated on the inside. Her assistant Lucy winked at her as she put it on. _Good old Lucy..._

"Ok thank you everyone I think that's a wrap!" Saul yelled as the crew cheered slightly and Jenna spotted Matt shivering a large grin on his face as Jenna strode up to him bouncing lightly in her step.

"Cold?" she smiled.

"Just a little, hot chocolate and cake time for me!" he grinned back.

"But mainly the cake..!" she laughed.

"And?!" he retorted as he went to playfully grab her round the waist, Jenna pushing him slightly back giggling as they walked into the tent...

Xoxo

If one thing was certain then it was that the studio was much warmer than the streets of Wales. Jenna was defiantly having fun walking round the different sets, especially the green screens that were covered with smoke to look like clouds. The TARDIS was amazing as well. Dark and mysterious but chic and young, just like Matt's Doctor Jenna supposed. They'd spent a lot of time in green screens over the last few weeks which was, she had to admit was some of the funniest time she'd had in her time on Doctor Who. Everyone was really lightheaded, making jokes all the time and generally enjoying the ride just as much as she was. Another thing was that Matt kept on stealing the confidential camera and interview people much to their annoyance and fun. Most of the crew just took the mick out of him, joking along, before one of them stole it back from him, usually Paul.

This week however was another change in the actors topsy turvy schedule as they were traveled across to a old Victorian house. It may have been original but there was heating and electricity which the crew took careful preparations to cover up, especially the plug sockets littered around the rooms. Jenna looked at her script giggling at the jokes and smiling at the different parts of the Doctor and Clara's chemistry.

Especially one part. One scene at the end of the day... The kiss.

Jenna was fine with kissing Matt, she'd kissed many other actors in her short tv life, including both genders but somehow a nervous buzz built over the corse of the day as she was working with the other actors, Neve, who Jenna couldn't quite remember how she looked in real life due to all the prospetics she had, covering her face and hands. Dan, who on and off camera was halerious which his fun antics and the way he said things resulting in the rest of the cast in giggles, Catrin who was almost like an on set sister to Jenna and the other members of cast only filming on this set, including two children, Ellie and Joseph Darcey-Alden who were siblings and a joy to work with...

As the day went on Jenna became more and more nervouse about the kissing scene. Well not as much nervous but sort of excited although she had no idea why... She'd never felt this way about an on screen kiss well not in this much depth.

Matt was _different_ to others... She'd say that... How she didn't exactly know but he was... _Somehow_.

And then it was time. The very end of the day and most of the remaining cast were on a break knowing they were doing evening shoots the next day. Even though most of the actors were gone though, half of the crew was still crowding round the small corridor which Jenna was going to have to run through.

"Right scene 35, let's get it in one guys!" Saul said as the whole room went silent. "A mark,"

"B mark,"

"And ACTION!"

"Oi! I told you to stay in there!"

"Oh. I didn't listen. That's why you like me,"

"Who said I like you?"

And then suddenly Jenna grabbed hold of Matts collar as their lips crashed. She was fully aware that Matt was acting and had his eyes wide open in surprise but he was kissing back well enough... She hung on for a little longer than she needed before pulling away, hands still on his face, 'Clara mode' again.

"I think you just did,"

"You kissed me!"

"You blushed!"

"But with the... Shut up!" Matt finished as he walked off down the corridor leaving Jenna grinning wildly. In character of corse... But somehow she couldn't stop smiling.

"CUT!" Saul yelled as the crew began to mutter between themselves. 'Get it in one' was a very loose term as Jenna found out and within half an hour they had done that scene alone, fourteen times. And they'd kissed fifteen times... One was a practice...

It was a shame that Matt had to act to be honest, Jenna could tell that he was a good kisser and she enjoyed the takes where he acted like he enjoyed it, although after watching it back most decided that it didn't suit the Doctors character. He often had to awkwardly struggle under her and on one take Jenna could see his facial expression through her half closed eyes which made her laugh, blowing into his mouth by accident.

"Jenna-Louise!" Matt scolded as he wiped his face.

"I'm sorry! On I feel like I'm in trouble now! I only get called Jenna-Louise when I'm in trouble!" Jenna cried back grinning slightly, red faced.

"Why? Did this happen a lot?" Matt asked deadly serious for a second before grinning slightly.

"What?! No! I was about ten!" she cried back, laughing and hitting him lightly on the arm as he laughed with her.

"Ha! Back to work Jenna!" he smiled as she looked at him.

"Work? This isn't work! This is just fun!" Jenna smiled back. Was she flirting with Matt Smith..? _No_...

They worked on the same scene for another half an hour before looking through all of the takes and whittling them down until they had about three or four different types to pitch to Steven. And then they were dismissed, going back to the car, collecting their stuff on the way, sore lipped and rosy cheeked...

"Jen I was wondering..." Matt suddenly started as they neared the black car taking them back to Cardiff.

"Mmm?" Jenna asked smiling up at him.

"Do you want to come round mine for a bit tonight? I have a couple of films or something and we're not needed on set tomorrow until four..." he asked, trying to be confidant but playing with the water bottle in his hands far too much.

"Yeah," Jenna replied. "That sounds nice..."

Her time on Doctor who was going to be good. That much Jenna knew by far...

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Woah! Hello there! Thank you for all the lovely reviews and follows and faves! I think I answered all the reviews I could and everyone's so nice! One frequent question though was will I always be updating once a week? Well no. The time between my uploading may get shorter but I just wanted to see if this fic would be any good you see! Haha anyway night!


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jenna woke up the next morning to bright sunlight. She looked around tiredly, spotting the sun beaming through the crack in her curtains so she could see the dust that had accumulated in her room. She noticed her feet were cold, realising half her bedcovers were draped on the floor, the rest covering the middle of her body. She rubbed her eyes from sleep, immediately regretting that decision as her fingers came away black with mascara. She sighed realising she would have to get up and have a shower. She didn't though as she reached for her phone on her bedside table.

_Three missed calls, twelve texts and fifteen new emails._

Most people would be happen with the sudden attention but it was Jenna's day off. All she wanted was some peace and quite. She just wanted to shut her eyes and it all to go away, however selfish it seemed. The bitterness that she would probably never work with Matt again and the guilt that she wanted him... Needed him more than she needed her own boyfriend... Her head was mixed full of emotions as she turned, pushing her face deep into the pillow. She didn't even realise she was crying until she sat up and noticed the tears dripping off her chin.

Xoxo

She finally did manage to get up though, although it was more hunger that made her rouse from the covers.

Her flat felt empty and new as she rooted through a cardboard box, finding a cup. She was moving later that day... From her flat by the Bay, back to Blackpool. She'd packed in silence, feeling indifferent about the whole thing. She knew that moving would be the end. She would be leaving Matt behind again, this time for good? She'd be back though. Another six months of Clara loomed but this time with Peter as her co-star. It was more that a little weird he was just so... Different.

In a good way of corse but he wasn't Matt he defiantly wasn't him, Jenna wasn't sure if anyone could be...

Now she was sounding ridiculous. She was feeling ridiculous as well, helplessly trying to relocate her favourite mug. Her phone buzzed from her room as she sighed, getting up to answer it. Jenna saw the name running across the screen as she realised who it was. Matt. Jenna contemplated not answering it at all but as she reached for the phone to make a decision, it rang off. She sighed for no real reason and scrolled through the texts and miss calls. Most of them were from Matt as Jenna realised with shame that she hadn't spoken to him since wrap party two days ago.

She'd just been too embarrassed really...

A couple of texts from her family, happy she would be home with them once again that night. Not even a day away...

One was from Steven, already interested in the next Doctor Who project, and read throughs, hoping to get her and Peter to meet up... That was next year though, a long way off... Well ish... She didn't even bother with emails know they'd either make her feel a certain emotion she was just becoming numb to or they'd be about work, something she didn't even want to think about now.

The phone started ringing again with Matts name popping back up on the screen. He must want to talk with her, really want to talk with her... Jenna thought as she pressed answer flattered that someone wanted her company, sad that she couldn't let him go. Her eyes finally set on the mug she'd been looking for as she put him on loudspeaker.

"Jenna? Jenna you there?" Matts voice asked calmly with a hint of wordiness and excitement in his voice. Jenna smiled almost forgetting to answer.

"Hi, I'm sorry," Jenna answered.

"Hey no need to be sorry, how are you?" Matt continued.

"Oh yeah... Good..." Jenna replied sheepishly, screwing her face up and waiting for the reaction, knowing that Matt wouldn't buy it. She lifted the box up onto the work surface reaching in for the mug.

"And now really?" he asked.

"I..." she started to admit, trying not to make herself sound stupid. Suddenly she lost grasp on the mug as it slipped between her fingers. "Shit," she swore as it shattered on the floor cutting her shaking hands. Blood started to ease out of a cut down her wrist and she continued to swear.

"Jenna?" Matt asked taking Jenna by surprised. She'd momentarily forgotten he was there on the other end of the call. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm yeah fine," Jenna replied, looking away from her hand and bending down to pick up the broken china. She felt like crying. That was her favourite mug... And it wasn't the only thing shattering away from her...

"What was that all about then?" Matt asked laughing slightly.

"Oh nothing... Nothing at all..." she replied hurriedly, getting up, knowing that's she'd have to end the call, sort herself out, stop herself from panicking like she stupidly was. As she did though, the cardboard box suddenly gave way sending it and the contents crashing to the floor, on top of her and her phone which consequently smashed into the cabinet...

Xoxo

Matt heard the crash shortly after Jenna's swearing. If he'd just heard the crash he might not have taken much notice, laughed it off. There was something about her manner though that scared him. She sounded different, lost, tired even. These were emotions Jenna never portrayed... Never openly portrayed anyway... Not to him...

"Jenna?" he asked nervously. There was no reply as Matt pulled the phone away from his ear checking the screen. The message read 'lost connection'. Matt frowned as he tried ringing her again. No answer. Now there was either a rational explanation or something had happened...

Matt didn't even bother taking that chance.

He was still in his pyjama top and bottoms but Jenna's flat was a staircase and a corridor away. He would have gone round sooner but he felt as if he would have been intruding... He was being stupid. He realised that now.

Grabbing the spare set of keys, he threw them into the air, locking his own flat on the way out and padding down the stairs, still bare footed.

Reaching Jenna's flat he first knocked on the door calling in but after a minuet of impatient waiting he turned the key in the door, letting himself in.

"Jenna?" he called looking around at the boxed up flat. She was only away for a month and a bit but she didn't have much in the flat anyway so the whole placed looked rather bare... Just like his feet he supposed... "Jenna?" he called again panicking slightly. She couldn't have gone out could she? She wouldn't have had time... So she must be in here...

Now all the worst thoughts were creeping into Matts head. She could have been murdurded. Very unlikely but that wasn't the point. She could have been...

She could have had something fall onto her head? Matt pictured walking into a room with her lying on the ground, blood covering her head...

No.

What Matt saw instead when he walked into the kitchen was a mess. Broken china littered the floor and in the middle sat a very confused, woeful but defiantly conscious Jenna, holding her right wrist against her chest.

"Jen?.." he asked relived, crouching down beside her. She looked back up at him red rimmed and silent before finally whispering.

"Do I really look that bad?.."

Xoxo

"Ow, ow, ow!" Jenna cried as Matt carefully applied pressure to her wrist.

"Just hold still..." he said, his feet precariously in the middle of the china.

"I'm trying to..." she muttered in a half reply.

"I know, I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap," he finished as he wrapped a bandage around her arm, having luckily found it in the cupboard under the sink.

"I know I'm just... Yeah," Jenna replied, knowing Matt would know what she was on about instantly. He just always did...

"What happened?" he asked helping her up.

"The box, it fell I wasn't paying any attention to anything, my... phone... Broke... Did you let yourself in?" Jenna replied looking at him then at the shattered mobile on the floor.

"Yeah, sorry I just thought the worse if you know what I mean. Err do you need any help? With all of this?" he asked as she looked around at the mess. There was glass and china covering the kitchen floor and boxes either too full or half empty, pilled on top of the sofas. She should say no, she should let him go... It was something about his face.

"Yes... Yes please," she replied smiling as he embraced her in a hug.

"Ok then. Come on Coleman I can hardly believe you left your flat in this state!" he joked as Jenna playfully hit him on the arm.

And once more, Matt had made her normal again, a concept that was slipping further and further away from her...

Xoxo

Matt fixed her phone easily and after helping clear up the mess he offered to help her finished packing and now Jenna was loading the car with Matts help..! She didn't really need his help anymore, not after the china incident, but she was grateful all the same. For the company far more than his strength... He needed to pack up himself for London and America but somehow he still found time. For her...

As the two checked around the half bare flat for the last time, checking that nothing was left plugged in and no food was left in the fridge, Jenna felt and almost... Gap. Usually she was happy about leaving, she would be back temporarily in two weeks after all and at least it still looked like someone lived in there. The almost terrifying thought though was that a little down the corridor and up the stairs, there was a compleatly empty version of her flat. Matt's. She wasn't sad about leaving her own flat behind, she was more upset about leaving Matt's. But it was the end of an era...

Time to move on.

The noise the door made as it slammed shut echoed in her mind as Jenna flicked the keys up in the air, and for the last time, turned them in the lock as it clicked shut. Pulling away from the now closed door she turned and faced Matt who smiled at her, opening his arms as Jenna fell into them.

"I'm going to miss you mate!" he smiled genuinely as she grinned into him and forcing herself not to cry.

She'd already cried enough...

They walked down to the lift arm in arm as Matt pushed buttons patiently waiting. They stood in silence as they did, just savouring the moment. Both knowing but neither telling...

The lift door finally swung open as the pair stepped inside, next to a young woman with a pram. They smiled politely pressing the 'ground floor' button and waiting as the lift started moving once more. In the dirty looking mirror at the left hand side, Jenna could just make out the two of them, Matt much taller than her, protective almost but with a sad look in his eyes.

A sad look they both shared...

Hitting the ground floor, they stepped out into the cold sunlight of the October morning. The wind nipped at Jenna's fingers as she breathed out, her breath creating mist in the air. It was due to rain later, but at the moment the sunlight almost seemed perfect. Jenna's car was covered with a thick layer of ice though as she poked it with her little finger.

"Hoping the roads aren't this icy!" Matt joked as she smiled, turning on the engine and beginning to scrap the frost off of the side windows.

"Ah I'll be fine! Now _you_ enjoy yourself!" Jenna replied.

"On my own? Without you? What will I do!" Matt grinned as Jenna smiled slightly back.

"What will _I_ do?.." Jenna asked, almost to herself as Matt stopped her, taking the scraper and working more efficiently on the windscreen. "Show off!" she grinned.

"Well we can't let any frost hinder your journey!" Matt smiled. He was trying to be nice, both of them could sense that, but the silence afterwards suggested differently... "When's Richard coming over?" he asked after a while, trying to change the conversation.

"Oh tommorrow, but he won't be coming to Blackpool until the day after, then he's coming with me to see your show! And to party! I'm also meeting up with Peter..." Jenna replied, the thought of her boyfriend coming over and the chance of seeing Matt again, lifting her spirits.

"But mainly to see my show!" Matt winked.

"Oh I don't know! I may enjoy Peters company much more than yours and not go to your show after all!" Jenna joked back about her new co-star.

"Oh but that would break my heart!" Matt said, feigning being shocked at Jenna's response.

"And we couldn't have that now could we?" she laughed as Matt dropped the act, spinning her around...

"Right well... I'll see you in a couple of weeks!" he smiled as he let her down and finally open the car door.

"Looking forwards to it," she replied kissing him on the cheek and getting into the drivers seat.

"Missing you already!" he called as she closed the door and wound down the window.

"Me too," she said, her voice almost breaking as he drew a smile face in the steamed glass of her windscreen. Jenna revved her engine playfully to get him out of the way, and blowing a small kiss into the air she drove off leaving matt standing outside the now horribly lonely block of flats. He sighed a now empty sigh, beginning to turn around and tread mournfully back into the building, taking the stairs this time. He unlocked the door of his own flat, coming face to face with box after box all full of his stuff. He was leaving for London the next day... Which meant that this was going to be the longest day of his life...

No Jenna to help him pack. No Jenna to judge his taste of TV. He was flicking through the channels as he thought, finally landing on Bargain Hunt. Yawning, he stretched out in his t-shirt and walked back into his room to find some proper clothes.

No Jenna to choose an outfit for him...

He finally settled on a grey and red stripped jumper with a dark brown shirt and jeans. Jenna would approve of that... Not that she could see. Not that she'd want to see. Time moved on. And he wasn't a Timelord any more...

It was the end of an era.

Xoxo

As Jenna left the boundries of Wales and entered England once more, she couldn't help but look back on the country where she'd properly met one of her, now, best friends... She'd shut herself up quickly though... Matt wouldn't be feeling this sentimental that was for sure...

Turning up the radio which was now playing Mumford and Sons, a group Matt didn't really approve much of, but one that Jenna adored, she let her hair out of her ponytail, running her hand through her scalp and opening her window just a touch so the breeze could get in...

There was a moment, Jenna supposed, that she wasn't looking, or she was thinking about something else, her emotions getting the better of her, because the next thing she knew there was a flash of red. A red car... Just for a second though, making Jenna wonder what the hell had happened to it.

Until it crashed into the side of her own car...

Jenna saw her own view tip, along with the vehicle as the side grazed itself along the edge of the road, veering into the side and landing her in a ditch. Her head slammed against the back of her seat, the seatbelt swinging into action and making her side crack with the execution of keeping her in place. She didn't have time to scream as it was all happening but as she looked up at the broken glass that was now tipping precariously above her, she saw a large object falling from above her, ready to crush her.

A _motorbike_.

"MATT?!"

But it was no use, he was gone and her world was being tipped into the darkness...

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Yes I know. Cliffhanger. But what happens next will probably not be what you expect it to be. Not. At. All. :) try and guess! And yes I am going to try and keep my time better this week. I just run out of the stuff! Haha hope you liked this chapter. And thank you all for being patient and for your reviews :) (remember I reply if I can!) night x


	4. The Bells of Saint John

The Bells of Saint John

_Pain. Unimaginable pain piercing through her. So bad... So painful. And it didn't end._

_Please, please find me..._

Xoxo

"This is vintage!" Jenna cried giggling as Matt fiddled with the massive black motorbike that was on the side of a busy London road. The two were back on set this time filming Jenna's 'proper' first episode. Well she liked to call it her first proper episode. She was properly the companion now and that title made her smile. Finally she was Matt's co-star and had a stable job as well. She thought of it as a win win situation really but every day was just as mental as when she'd first started. No job compared to this.

"I know but it's mine!" Matt laughed.

"Ha! You wish!" Jenna smirked.

"Fine, 'practically' mine!" he decided running his hand along the body once more. Jenna rolled her eyes, leaning against the bike.

"Oi! It's vintage!" Matt cried making her jump as he smiled.

"You! Hypocrite!" she cried putting her hand on her heart. She actually had a coat on this time, instead of just a dress and shaul and as it was still the middle of October, this was needed, her cheeks rosy in the wind.

They were filming next to the River Thames and a crowd had already gathered on the other side of the street. Most of them knew who Jenna was now having seen her version of Oswin earlier in the year and hearing about her upcoming appearance in the Christmas special. This also made her smile, Doctor Who was amazing experience for her and would help her get known in the acting world. Also she got to work with some amazing people, one of the most idiotic, now fiddling with the break systems on the bike.

"Matt!" Jenna hissed smiling and batting his hand away.

"What!" he smiled back as Jenna giggled.

"Look interested in something else other than the bike!" she smiled.

"Like what?" he asked as Jenna pouted slightly. "Ohhhh!" he laughed picking her up and twirling her round slightly as the crowd whooped and cheered. "I'm always interested in you Miss Coleman!" he smiled as she raised one eyebrow. "Oh not in that way!"

"I know but they don't!" Jenna replied pointing to the crowd.

"Oh let's hope they don't get the wrong idea," Matt smiled.

"Oh they will, they'll start... What is it called?" Jenna replied, clicking her fingers and furiously trying to remember.

"Oh!" Matt cried taking her by suprise as he tried to remember as well.

"Ship!" Jenna suddenly yelled. "I knew it had something to do with the sea!"

"Yes they'll start shipping us or something, personally I ship you with oh... Gordon Brown!" Matt smirked as Jenna burst out laughing.

"That was so random! Can you even do that? Ship people that aren't from tv shows?" she asked.

"Sure you can! I just did!" Matt smiled as Jenna giggled again.

"Gordon Brown though?" she asked.

"He has money, very influential..."

"Shut up!" Jenna cried hitting him on the arm as he smirked.

"Ok we're going for another take!" Colm, the director for the episode yelled as Matt jumped up grinning. The scene required him to get on the bike for a short amount of time and he loved the bike... Perhaps too much? To be honest though, Jenna loved it as well. The look of it and the excitement. She was a little apprehensive with Matt in charge though.

And so she should have been, for after the first take-

CRASH!

"Matt!" Jena cried half laughing half covering her eyes with her hand. He had been trying to get off but instead had taken the bike with him, half on the floor as most of the crew came to his aid, mainly to make sure the bike was ok. "Vintage!"

"Shhhh!" he smirked as he bit his lip. "The bikes ok!"

"Shame only your ego is damaged then!" Jenna laughed as Matt shook his head.

"Go away Miss Coleman! I don't like you!"

"Oh God we have to ride around London on that thing later!"

"Oh yes! We do!"

"No I mean I have to ride with you!"

"Are you calling me an incompetent rider?"

"Well... Yes!" Jenna laughed pointing to the now safe bike. Matt tried to think of an answer for a while but in the end just stuck his tongue out.

Xoxo

"Right goggles!"

"Yes!"

"Coat!"

"Always have you seen the weather?!"

"Helmet"

"Hair ruiner? Yes!" Jenna laughed tapping the shiny metal helmet with her hand.

"I think we're good to go!" Matt laughed.

The beloved bike was now attached to a massive truck which was about to pull the two across London. Matt had already had a test run, not waiting for Jenna before getting on and having a go around the busy streets of London. Jenna didn't mind. She would only get in the way and the smile on his face when he was riding was one of such glee, it was almost cute... Now it was her turn and not only that but she had to do a scene on the bike in the wind and the cold and with her hands firmly around Matts middle...

"Ready?" Colm asked as Jenna nodded and walked up with Matt to the truck. There were cameras hanging off the end one ready to arch round and film the two of them as they did their scene. Matt got on the bike first, confidential filming him as he did and Jenna, trying to be as dainty as possible, did the same, having to hitch her dress up slightly.

Very ladylike.

"This is so much fun I promise!" Matt whispered, his face lighting up as the truck started and the two waved at the cameras, lifting their feet off the floor as Jenna grabbing Matts waist, Matt grabbing the handle bars.

There were a few puddles up ahead but it was mainly clear-

"Puddle!" Jenna squealed as the water splashed up but didn't quite hit her dress, just managing to make the backs of her legs damp.

Then they turned the corner into bright sunlight and the busy streets of London. The sunlight was still dancing off the houses and cars and police motorbikes helped guide their way. Jenna's hair was swept back by the wind as she linked her fingers together round Matt's middle. They passed light after light and Jenna could see where they were heading before they reached it.

The light made shadows in the water, bouncing off and hitting the black finish on the bike. The London Eye seemed to glitter and even the breeze wasn't bothering her any more. If she could freeze any moment then it would be this one...

Unfortunately the only freezing that would be done would be the cold freezing her fingers as she wriggled them in an attempt to get the blood flowing back. The leather gloves weren't really doing much apart from restricting Jenna's movement, although she has to admit that they looked very cool with beads that picked up the sunlight and sparkled. The scene was a relatively short one but that was good as they had to almost shout it in an attempt to get picked up by the microphones. It also meant that they could spend more time just, well enjoying themselves. Jenna knew London very well as she lived there whilst not filming but even she was seeing things from a different point of view. More precisely Matt's point of view...

"It's not a theme park ride! Well it's not classed as one anyway!" Jenna grinned as Matt pointed out the London Eye.

"What is it then? I've always called it a theme park ride..." he asked looking back at Jenna with a grin.

"It's... It's a monument! It's a landmark!"

"It's a theme park ride!" Matt confirmed as Jenna sighed laughing. She did like his childish nature sometimes and it helped to pass the time on set when they had a break, which was often. They hadn't completely bonded yet though, even though the chemistry on screen was as Steven called it 'flirty and fun'. He still missed Karen, Jenna could tell, but that just proved that his acting was just amazing. He was amazing but as they arrived back in the street they started she could see the look of professionalism return in his eyes as he grinned and gave a thumbs up to the camera walking off. He didn't help her out getting off, Jenna noted. Not like she needed any help but she needed to do something... Not now though. The adrenaline rush was still getting to her rosy cheeks. She said this every day she was on set but this was honestly...

The. Best. Day. Ever.

Xoxo

"If only I was rich enought to stay in a hotel like this..." Jenna smiled, clutching her milkshake and looking round her at the rooftop scene. They were going to film in Covent garden but the locations team had switched to Grange St Paul's Hotel, a swankey London hotel instead, in favour of having a much better view of the Shard.

"Yeah that would be the life," Matt grinned back at her as he leant back in the metal chair enjoying the view. they had an amazing look over London and it was nice to get away from the crowds for a while as they were almost secluded in the hotel they were filming at. It was still reletivly early, their next scene being set around the morning time and there was little traffic around the main hotel. Jenna could still see the queuing cars in the distance though, the fumes flying up into the still frosty air that was nipping at her nose. What made it worse was her milkshake which was slowly numbing her fingertips. It was nice though even if she hadn't drunk much, the glass nearly empty even before they'd started filming.

The view on the other side of the building was a little more industrial and busy though, the beautiful cafe area filled with cast and crew getting ready. Jenna had a moment...

"So we have an afternoon off tomorrow," Jenna smiled at him as he nodded grinning.

"Yes we do. They'll be packing up," he replied.

"Yeah... We won't see London for a while I suppose..." Jenna hinted.

"Nope, we'll be up in Cardiff again," Matt nodded not really getting her point.

"So, you going to do anything before we leave?" she asked.

"I don't think so... Are you?" he smiled.

"Well I was thinking of going out for a meal with someone and maybe a trip around town but whereas I keep leaving hints, they don't seem to be paying any attention!" Jenna laughed tapping Matt on the forehead as he looked at her.

"Me? You mean me?" he asked, seemingly surprised.

"Yes! Yes I do!" Jenna smiled back.

"Me?"

"You,"

"Me?!"

"You!"

"Ok then Miss Coleman... Your on!"

"Ok how about ten-"

"Are we ready to take this scene from the start then?" Colm suddenly asked taking Jenna and Matt by surprise as work began again. Jenna smiled though. She'd done what she'd needed to do though. She wanted to get to know Matt. Properly and not just as her boyfriends friend. He was just so-

"ACTION!"

Work came first though... _Naturally_...

Xoxo

_Pain. Unimaginable pain piercing through her. So bad... So painful. And it didn't end. It just didn't ever end. There were sirens coming closer._

_Please, please find me..._

_"My head..."_

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hello! How are you! I'm just about to go and answer all your reviews cause I'm amazing so yeah :) also I made a video (a sherlock/frozen song thing) so maybe listern and like and stuff cause it's my first YouTube vid bout Sherlock :) /9XKWorhNA4U

Thanks :) love you all night :) x


	5. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"If she doesn't want to talk then she doesn't have to," Keith said walking through the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand. After his daughter had knocked on the door ten minutes ago, soaking wet and shaken up he'd been getting more and more annoyed at his wife, Karen, who seemed to be more concerned about Jenna then was good for her. He knew his daughter. She was strong but also stubborn. If she didn't want to speak then she wouldn't. Not until she wanted to anyway.

The way she was sitting there though, shivering, her eyes fixated on one corner of the room. She didn't look strong. She didn't look like Jenna...

"Oh Keith! Look at her! She's just been through hell and back! Give me that!" Karen cried taking the glass from his hand.

"That was... mine..." he started but gave up shortly after Karen shot him a death stare.

"Mum, no it's fine... Let dad have the water, I don't really want it," Jenna spoke up finally as Karen shot him another look getting up and patting her daughter on the knee.

"I know what you need. A hot chocolate," Karen whispered as Jenna smiled up at her.

"Where's the car?" Keith asked sitting on the edge of the sofa and taking a sip of his returned drink.

"What..?" Jenna replied, knowing exactly what he was on about.

"Keith! No! Let her get her bearings back at least! Don't start asking her stupid questions like that!" Karen hissed and for once Jenna let her take control and shut her dad up.

She needed to think of a plausible lie. She couldn't say what had really happened to it...

Xoxo

Jenna woke up feeling claustrophobic. She breathed quickly, her ribcage pressing against whatever she was trapped in. Panicking was going to get her no where but she couldn't stop. She couldn't move. She couldn't breath...

No.

Thinking back was hard and made her head feel as if it was about to explode... She was driving though she knew that much so she must be in the car. In that ditch...

She could feel something wet trickling down from her forehead and at first she thought it was mud, terrified that she had landed the wrong way and was going to drown or something but then she realised it couldn't be mud. It was warm. It was blood.

Trying not to panic to the point where she couldn't breath again. Jenna tried wiggling her legs and was realived to know that all least she could feel them. And there seemed to be some space at the end, her feet touching the cold air outside. It was still daytime. There were still people about. Why was no one helping her?

Maybe no one cared. Maybe there were people who were worse off. Maybe she was unnoticeable to whoever was out there. She tried to call out but quickly discovered that her throat was too dry. She needed water... The sudden thirst spurted her into a slight form of action as she wriggled further downwards, pushing through the seat and reaching the car door. Fumbling with the handle she noticed the door was mangled, having to use all her little strength to try and break it open just enough for her tiny frame to squeeze out.

Placing her feet back onto the ground, they sunk slightly into the mud as she tried to lift herself up flailing slightly as the blood started to rush back to her head, black spots filling her vision. Leaning against the car, she noticed the dent where she was leaning. Turning around and regaining her balance she stood back slightly against the edge of the ditch and looked at the vechiel was mangled and dented, the boxes in the back now strewn and shattered.

Jenna had so many things she wanted to go back and get. So many possessions that she held dear but her head was throbbing so badly. She almost wanted to just fall unconscious again but stopped herself.

Help. She needed to find help. Looking back at her phone she soon spotted it under one of the seats, the screen shattered. No help, well no help that she wanted. She wanted Matt. Why she thought of him before her family, before her boyfriend though confused her. The sharp pain in her head stopped her from thinking about it any more though as she looked up at the steep wall of the ditch.

Help.

She clambered up the side looking over the top of the mud and taking in her surroundings in horror. The scene above the ditch was a sight. The biker Jenna had collided into was strewn across the road, the biker already on stretcher his fate undecidable. There was spectators and police officers surrounding the road, one turning her way, making her duck. She looked back on her own car, trashed and battered, and the boxes splitting the content out. Some broken china and glass, a couple of old necklaces, the beads running out onto the floor... She scanned her possessions, looking for something, anything worth saving from the wreckage... And there in amidst it all...

Clive.

Xoxo

_"What's this? Jenna asked holding up the toy rabbit which was currently in Matts 'charity' box. They were clearing out his flat together but Jenna kept on finding things she wanted to know more about. This was one of them. The toy was cute, too cute to sell and besides that it probably wouldn't sell. He'd obviously had it from a young age as the ear was chewed and the stuffing showing slightly out of the bottom, it having been pushed from the limbs making them flop. It was only about the height of Jenna's tiny hand._

_"Oh that!" Matt laughed, throwing it up in the air so it's little mouth resembled that of a grimace. "I had it when I was born, he's called Clive. Sweet isn't it?"_

_"Yes! So you've had it since you were a child, why are you getting rid of it now?!" Jenna cried, taking it off of him and feeling the velvet ears._

_"Because," Matt replied, leaning in close. "I'm thirty-one!"_

_"And? Surely it means something to you?" Jenna asked baffled. "Don't I mean something to you Matt?.." she said in a squeaky voice, imitating the stuffed animal._

_"Ha! Sorry Clive! You'll find somebody much better for you!" Matt grinned placing the rabbit nicely in the box. "Another drink?"_

_"Please," Jenna smiled, handing him her empty mug. He smiled at her walking out of the room as she waited. When he was finally out of sight she grabbed Clive placing him in her pocket. It was only a few days until they would finish working with each other, finish living under each other's noses. If anything it was something to remember him by. She would be needing that. She could tell even now._

Xoxo

And that something was now hanging precariously under a shard of glass, splattered with mud. Jenna reached out for it, praying, hoping that the glass wouldn't touch her. Giving the animal a tug it suddenly came loose, sending the box flying and the glass shattering onto the ground. None of this caught anyone's attention though and as Jenna peeked over the side of the ditch again, worry filled her. There were a lot of police officers there. A lot... And she had been the one who'd knocked over the biker. It could have been her fault after all... It could have been all her fault...

She had a decision to make. Either go out there or escape. Escaping would be easier, her feet already shifting, but then where would she go without a car, without a map. Without money..? Nowhere. She was trapped with one option. To go out there...

Xoxo

Trashed? Define trashed," Keith said eyeing up his daughter carefully. She'd insisted everything was fine but she'd not been herself all evening, looking at the nearby wall as if she was in a haze and not really speaking much at all, little that she had told, so evidently not the whole truth. What was going on..? He'd wondered, sipping at his drink. She'd insisted she hadn't been in a crash, just an accident, but things weren't adding up...

"It's just broken, at a garage dad.. They don't know if they'll be able to fix it, something wrong with the engine or something..." Jenna lied, hoping it would see her through. Her car was in a garage, that much was true. A garage halfway across the country though, her possessions still broken or lost. Clive stayed in her pocket, the wet mud seeping through the fabric of her coat. She clung onto hot chocolate, letting the heat burner still shaking fingers as the steam warmed her face. Just trying to seem truthful. Hoping the rest would add up properly.

"So you may not have a car? That's what you're saying?" Keith asked as Jenna nodded silently.

"Keith..." Karen warned.

"I know, I know... I'm sorry..." Jenna sighed trying to hold back tears. She wouldn't let her family know what really went on. She couldn't. She couldn't let them know that she might have killed someone she couldn't let them know what she'd done after either... She wouldn't tell anyone...

"I know you're sorry love, it wasn't your fault, will work something out," Keith sighed, getting up with the now empty glass.

"I'm going to pay for a new car and everything else you know I am..."

"And everything else?" her mum questioned as Jenna curse silently under her breath. She'd forgotten that she told them she'd left everything back at her flat in Cardiff ready to pick it up when she went to London later on in the week.

"Just... Everything mum..." Jenna finally said as Karen kissed her on the forehead. Jenna closed her eyes letting a single tear drop down her cheek. She forgotten how much she'd missed those kisses when she was a child...

"Hey love," her dad said, walking back into the room, a dish cloth wrapped around his hand. "At least you're safe..."

But she wasn't. She just wasn't...

Xoxo

Clambering up the mound of dirt was harder than it looked, her whole body aching. She got to the top swiftly though looking round. There were people shouting, blood everywhere, Jenna felt sick at the sight of it. This was her fault... She put that blood there, she must have done...

Suddenly a police officer looked at her, straight at her, eyeing her up before walking in her direction. Jenna panicked looking round. There was no way out, blockages surrounded her as she clambered back down the ditch, yanking open the door of her car. She didn't know what she was doing but she had to do something... She had to escape.

So she did... Not that she'd say how... Never.

Xoxo

Jenna stared up at the ceiling of her old bedroom trying to make out the shadows. She'd drunk her hot chocolate, taken some paracetamol and gone to bed, avoiding all the possible questions regarding what had really happened to her out there. She was ashamed but most of all scared. So scared... She was being stupid... She knew it but something was holding her back from saying something. It was like something had grabbed onto her throat and clamped it shut, making her breathing quicken and her head spin. She sat up to avoid having another panic attack, taking the glass of water by her bedside and sipping it to calm down, trying to think of happy thoughts.

Matt. She'd see Matt again soon. And Richard. He was coming over tomorrow. Midday. Not too far away... And then the day after they were going to London which was good... Jenna liked London. She almost regarded it as her home but she wasn't sure anymore. She could belong slammed up now... Maybe the police were looking for her. Maybe it would be on the news, her parents would see, her colleges would see. Matt would see. Then she'd be taken, taken away from them... She'd lose her reputation and everything else...

There was a tiny voice in the back of her mind telling her that she was being stupid... But it was tiny compared to the fear in the forefront of her mind and minute to the searing pain that seemed to engulf every thought. Her body couldn't decide weather to sleep or stay awake. Sleep would be an escape, maybe a cure to her migraine... Staying awake however seemed safer... Only God knew what would happen in her dreams.

She would lie for a bit, Jenna decided, feeling calm enough now. And think about Richard. She had a gift for him for tomorrow but dismay set in as she realised it had been in the car...

With the police...

That could be looking for her.

She was going back to see Matt though, to party. That would mean coming back the way she came. What if they passed the crash site.

With the police still there...

That could be looking for her.

What if they passed cameras filming the scene, what if someone recognised her or recognised the car and reported her and they saw her and found her and-

Jenna squeezed her eyes shut in desperation, hot tears falling swiftly down her cheek, her head ready to burst. She let her face relax for just a millisecond but that was enough. Enough to send Jenna into a fitful sleep.

A millisecond maybe have been enough but it certainly wasn't normal... She'd gone to sleep far to quickly. There was nobody round to notice though. Nobody around to make the link...

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey! I know this chapter doesn't give oh... Any answers haha just more questions. But everything will link together in the end. Her head, what happened to the car, how she got home, the biker, it will all make sense soon! Hope your still enjoying this story haha! Why not leave a review they make me work :) Night! X


	6. The Rings of Akhaten

The Rings of Akhaten

There was one thing about being an actor that Jenna didn't find annoying... Just it was the most labouring part of acting. Learning scripts. For instance on her second episode the read through had only been one week before filming, in the middle of all the other read throughs for most of the other episodes in her first season. For the most part of the time, she'd be learning lines on the day of filming, to go home or round to Matt's to run through more scenes for the next day. Doctor who wasn't as tightly packed as Eastenders but Jenna had more dialogue this time, half of which was about make believe subjects and monsters. Somehow this made reading the scripts almost addictive though, and this episode was by far Jenna's favourite. It was her first proper alien planet, her first proper normal series episode and gave her so much needed character clues.

Then again, whereas reading the script was fun, learning and concentration on the lines themselves was ultimately harder. She had some beautiful dialogue, some witty lines and going to the read through was fun, everyone automatically bouncing off of each other's emotions. The lines were said roughly, not too much emotion behind them to begin with, yet Matt seemed to make every line spark some feeling into Jenna. He was just a naturally gifted actor she supposed, his voice capturing his characters feeling perfectly and holding them there.

She'd love to see how he'd read a bedtime story... He would be brilliant with kids but that was just a general remark, Jenna would think quickly in her head. She didn't know why. There was no shame in thinking that he'd make a good dad, he proved that with his fans. Jenna like the attention but sometimes could feel almost overwhelmed by the crowds that could end up trying to engulf her for attention. Matt seemed to just take it on the chin though, perhaps this was because he was taller than her but he always seemed to be a crowd pleaser making conversations, taking selfies. Jenna envied him. He had more patience than her.

He was also really caring towards Emilie, who played the little girl Merry in the episode. Jenna thought she was a cutie, full of that boundless childish energy and so nice. She was just having the time of her life. A breath of fresh air. Yeah that suited her well... New as well, so someone Jenna could relate to. She reminded Jenna of herself. Jenna was having the time of her life just like her. Who wouldn't though? This was such an adventure, Jenna still humbled by the fact that she was a part of it, let alone such an amazing character...

Honestly she did feel like an eleven year old again. And it felt good.

Xoxo

It wasn't any old day that she'd get to ride on a giant spacemobile, Jenna had realised that when she'd walked on set. The actual machine in question was massive, about the size of a car, and looked a bit like a bat mobile. Jenna felt like James Bond on it. In control and stylish.

That was until it was turned on...

The machine was on a giant motor, making it almost like a bucking bronco, flinging anyone on it with some force. It was also loud as well, not to mention all the wind machines in front of her and Matt, blowing their hair back, action style.

The crew showed the two actors how it worked before showing them how they would be strapped in. Seat beat after harness after safety belt later they were on. They had a couple of practices first, Jenna laughing and whooping along whist Matt got to operate the controls. At first she was a bit put out by the fact that she would be the passenger but a quick look at the script reminded her that she was in fact having her own James Bond moment late. Prahaps it was a good thing she was a passenger for now... She had to cling onto Matt as best as she did, trying not to get caught up with his harnesses or break his back with the force she was exerting onto him.

"B camera mark,"

"And action!"

And then came the full force of the wind machines matched with the jolted movements of the vehicle. Jenna couldn't stop herself from yelping as they were thrown about. She was pretty sure Matt was keeping in character much better than she was, eyes focused, hands on the controls. With one final jolt though, Jenna lost her grip on his jacket, leaning too far to one side and slipping down the edge, held uncomfortably by the harnesses. She laughed with the adrenilian, using Matt to pull herself back upwards.

"You ok?" he asked, hanging on for dear life himself.

"Yeah!" Jenna laughed.

"You sure?" Matt asked again, knowing the girl never made a fuss. Luckily she was fine though getting back to her original position quickly and shaking the hair out of her eyes.

"Yep!" she smiled as the machine was moved roughly back into position.

"A camera mark!"

Well if one thing was for certain, Jenna was going to develop some serious balancing skills on this thing. She smiled at that.

She might need them for her own James Bond moment...

Xoxo

_"Okay then, that's what I'll do. I will tell you a story,"_

This reminded Jenna of the thoughts she'd had in her head before, about Matt being a father, having a child, reading them stories in the night, acting out the characters perfectly and with so much conviction that even for a small kid it would make the hairs on the backs of their necks tingle.

_"Can you hear them? All those people who lived in terror of you and your judgement, all those people whose ancestors devoted themselves, sacrificed themselves, to you… Can you hear them singing?"_

The world. The whole world was a bit like that really. Jenna knew. She'd been bullied, much like every other teenage girl at some point in their life. The times when she was bullied changed her, she didn't like to think about them much but they did her some good in a sense. The words still hit Jenna though, made her feel... Something.

_"Well you like to think you're a god. Well you're not a god, you're just a parasite eaten out with jealousy and envy and longing for the lives of others. You feed on them, on the memories of love and loss and birth and death and joy and sorrow,"_

The bullies... Jenna couldn't even remember, it was such a long time ago. Some people had never believed she'd make it this far. They thought she would fall at the first hurdle. Maybe that's why, out of all of them, she'd succeeded. Maybe that's why she was on Doctor Who and they weren't. Now that made her smile...

_"So…So come on then, take my memories. But I hope you've got a big appetite because I have lived a long life, and I have seen a few things. I walked away from the last great Time War, I marked the passing of the time lords. I saw the birth of the universe and I watched as time ran out, moment by moment until nothing remained…No time, no space, just me!"_

Loneliness. Jenna had experienced it but not in that way. She was mainly scared by being alone in a room full of people or even worse being forced to make conversation with someone else... Dates were Jenna's worse nightmare but then again how did you meet people? It was different with Matt, they'd automatically clicked.

Thinking about it, everything was different with Matt Smith...

"_I walked in universe where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a mad man. And I've watched universes freeze and creations burn. I have seen things you wouldn't believe and I have lost things you will never understand! And I know things… Things..._ Things..!"

"Come on your doing so well!" Jenna urged him on as Matt tried to remember his big speech for the next days scene.

"Things?!" he cried desperately.

"Secrets..?" Jenna prompted as he remembered.

"Yes!" he cried before setting off again.

_"Secrets that must never be told, knowledge that must never be spoken, knowledge that would make parasite gods blaze..._ Blaze..?"

"So come on the-" Jenna began as Matt clicked his fingers, remembering.

_"So come on then. Take it! Take it all baby! Have it! You have it all!"_ he finished with a flourish.

"Well done!" Jenna smiled clapping him as he leant back on the sofa, blowing the hair out of his eyes. They would usually meet up after filming, as long as filming didn't finish too late or start too early the next morning. They would go through their lines and have a chat, sometimes went out but usually stayed in just enjoying each other's company. Currently they were just sitting on the sofa. Jenna and Matt had been so emmerersed in the script though, by the time they looked up it was dark, the sun drifting down over the bay. It was a pretty sight and so the two stayed there, just watching it for a while... It was also the only light they had before Jenna got up. She knew where the light switch was just not where she was currently going, managing to somehow trip over the edge of the coffee table and land face first on the carpet... "Oomph," she spluttered as the fall took her by suprise. It wasn't a lady like noise, she knew that!

"Jen, you ok?" Matt asked, standing up, as she started laughing, realising how stupid she must have looked, lying on her mates carpet in near pitch black. Getting up she brushed herself off, grateful she was in jeans and not a dress but soon after realised that she'd hit her leg rather hard, a bruise that was bound to show up the next day.

"Ha! I'm ok!" she called back smiling as Matt grinned at her, flicking the switch for her and going to close the curtains. "One more time or tv?" she asked picking up the script.

"Oh... Ahh..! Better had do... One more time!" Matt said, weighing up the pros and cons.

"Ok but it had better be quick cause the X factor starts soon..." Jenna smiled as they jumped back on the sofa. She finally felt as if they were starting to become good friends... She'd watched some of the other interviews and confidentials with Matt, Karen and Arthur. The chemistry was significantly there. There were some things, some emotions, that Matt shared with Jenna but he just wasn't as open yet.

She wasn't jealous just... just... she didn't like the feeling that stayed in the back of her head that Matt preferred Karens company. She was scared they weren't getting on as well.

Then again with a smile she remembered that Matt had asked her over to his. Maybe they just needed time...

Xoxo

One thing that did seem to, well not scare her, but defiantly challenge her were the monsters. Not that she was scared by them... Actually forget that, she was sometimes petrified of them! She'd never seen Doctor who, only knowing some of the key monsters like the Cybermen and the Daleks. Not she was faced with hundreds, literally hundreds, of them, all real people she would have to weave in and out of for the scene. She'd have to react towards all of them as well, Clara, her character, being so much more confidant than herself but still nervous. Something she could defiantly pull off around this amount of people.

It was her worst fear after all. Being alone in a room full of people, a world full of people... She wasn't expected to be alone though, she was the co-star. Unfortunately the star of the show, Matt, had buggered off somewhere, leaving Jenna alone in the monster obis. There was lots to keep her busy though and to be honest it was. Amazing! Having some random conversations with monsters, skidding about the place. She liked skidding. She loved skidding. It was one of the most surreal experiences of her life.

She saw Matt a little way off although she didn't go to him. He was currently with the director, Farren, who was taking him and this other 'alien' about one of the special greetings they had to do and although they were being serious, there was a glimmer in his eyes. A glint. He was loving it. And so was she... It's not everyday she got to talk with an alien after all.

Even if it was just a man in a suit...

Called _Dave_...

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey lovely people how are you? I'm good thanks for asking haha. I don't have much to stay apart from thank you! For reading and for reviewing and for sticking with this story but...

Ohhhhh... What will happen next? Night x


	7. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Like a gymnastic, flying, throwing herself up in the air. Arms wrapped round, head tucked in. In control._

_Except she wasn't... She wasn't in control. She was falling. Falling fast, not knowing where she was going to land. This was wrong so wrong._

_She was also trapped. Something was blocking her from moving, from being safe. Something hard. Something... Something..._

_The car that fleeting moment running before her eyes again and again and again and-_

Jenna woke up to unimaginable pain, her head on fire. She wanted to shoot up, get into that safe position again. She was still in danger but something else was blocking her. Jenna could also feel a weight ontop of her, suffocating her almost. Was it the car? Was she back in the crash? Hurt and alone... She'd have to go through everything again... She couldn't. She wouldn't... And suddenly there was a voice, one she recognised...

"Jenna?"

Opening one eye gingerly she looked up at the body above her. It wasn't a car. It was Richard. She could hug him, she was safe again. But wait... Had she been panicking that whole time? Would he have noticed? Surely not. Please know. No one could know. No one could find out.

"Richard?" she asked sleepily, sitting up slightly as he shuffled, fully clothed in beside her. Her head protested angrily as she moved, crying out for her to stop

"Hey you're awake," he smiled. "You were out like a log!" he continued as Jenna relaxed in his arms. He hasn't noticed. She could keep up the facade for a little longer... Looking at the clock to her right, she groaned slightly realising the time. "You okay?" Richard asked if she motion to the alarm.

"It's the afternoon," she groaned, sitting up, her head forcing her to stop a little, back down. She was just so tired...

"I know! I've been here for half an hour, your mum told me what happened,"

Oh no. Now she'd have to lie to him as well. Not that she would be able to keep it much of a secret for that long.

"Oh did she exaggerated? She's always doing that," Jenna tried. At least this that was based on the truth. She could feel slightly better about herself as she was telling white lies instead of black ones.

"I don't know Jen, you still don't seem yourself. You look so tired, why didn't you tell me babes?" Richard asked, smoothing her hair back.

"I'm sorry. I lost my phone and I wasn't thinking straight I don't know I-" Jenna started before suddenly crying out in pain as Richard pulled back suddenly eyes full of worry.

"Jenna?" he asked placing his hands back on the same position of the head he was touching before. She cried out again as he tilted her head back to look at him.

"Jenna, I need to see something just hold still love okay?" he asked the now crying Jenna. His eyes were first pity. She didn't want pity. She was scared, so scared. Praying to herself...

Then again she did almost hope that something was wrong, but something would be wrong the matter with her so she could get fixed up, escape from the mess she'd gotten herself in. But maybe by doing that, she'd be walking back into the trip...

Richard pushed her hair back where he'd been before. Hearing Jenna hiss in pain from below him made him stop for a second. He didn't want to hurt her, he's beautiful gorgeous girlfriend. He'd missed her, it wasn't fair. What had happened to her?

He felt as if he was to blame making her cry. He hated doing this but a few moments later and he was show that he was right to do so. Part of her head was black and blue. The dried blood coming off onto his fingernails. She was hurt, much more than she'd let on. Why hadn't she told anyone?

"Jenna?" he asked as she looked up at him, her tired red-ringed eyes staring up to look at his concerned features. "Have you been to hospital?

"I'm fine, the people of the accident said I was fine, it was only a small crash, I'm fine..." she trailed off in a frenzy, noticing almost instantly that Richard wasn't buying any of it... Tears were threatening to break their boundaries. Be strong she willed herself. Just for a little longer... A little bit more...

A little longer though was only a couple seconds as Richards piercing eyes caused her to break down into the pillows. Trying hard not to make too much sound she leaned into him, crying into his new now sodden T-shirt. There was no point trying to hide anything from him now. It was over.

Richard held her as she cried, underestimating the shock she'd been through... He was almost glad it was him comforting her instead of anyone else. Matt for example. Not that he was jealous of him or anything it'd just been a long time since Richard had had Jenna to himself. He liked it.

He snapped out of it pretty quickly though. He had no idea what had really happened last night, the only explanation from her parents, and that was that she'd gotten into an accident and even though she seemed apparently unhurt, the car was trashed, in some garage or something and she was in a state of shock, that maybe he would comfort her.

Something more was definatly going on... Something else has happened in that crash. He had to step it up. For Jenna. He had to find out the truth.

And there... Just like a whisper but loud enough for Richard to hear. The conformation to his nightmares.

"My head..." Jenna whispered as he stood up, scooping her into his arms as she cried out slightly. She was dressed in a long t shirt, which was more than likely her dads. What had happened to her clothes? Had they been lost in the accident. Something else Jenna wasn't letting on, her matted brown hair dangling down across his arm as she clutched onto his top.

She was so delicate. He'd never leave her again. He was sure of that now.

Running downstairs, he was grateful that Jenna's parents had gone as he managed to get her into his car as quickly as possible. She was protesting like he expected her to but with no real force or energy behind it. It just wasn't like her. And it was worrying Richard...

Placing her in the passenger seat he did her seat belt up as she tried to sit straight, not letting her head give in. He got in beside her and closed the door looking at her panic stricken face.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"To a hospital Jen you haven't been yet I can tell and there's some things they need to look at ok?" Richard explained quietly as Jenna shook her head, stopping shortly after plainly due to the pain.

"I'm fine, I was checked out before," she replied as convincingly as she could.

"Well they didn't check hard enough then," Richard said, not taking no for an answer this time.

"I'm fine I just need some paracetamol then the pain will go," Jenna tried as Richard's face sofened.

"You shouldn't be in this much pain. I just want to make sure Jenna I promise," he said as Jenna panicked beside him. What if the hospital recognised her or somebody called the police. If Richard had found out what had really happened then he'd never love her...

"Jen please tell me what's wrong," Richard asked almost pleadingly now.

"I'm scared..." Jenna admitted. That was true at least.

"Oh babes I'm right here for you ok? Through thick and thin," Richard said taking hold of Jenna's hands and kissing them as she looked up. He was too innocent, too happy. She was going to ruin everything. He may be here for her now but when he found out the truth?

Richard started up the car as the notice rattled through her head. She looked at herself in the little mirror bringing it down to block out the bright sunlight.

Face it, she thought. She had already ruined everything...

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey! Good week? Yeah good good :) thank you for reading oh and leave a review! I reply to all (I can't reply to guests though sorry!) night! X


	8. Cold War

Cold War

Jenna was used to the wet, well of corse she was she lived in England. She'd just never put two and two together. Submarine on set... And water! Being knee deep in it brought everything back to reality though as she looked down at the floor and her rather nice sparkly shoes the costume department had given her to wear. They glinted in the water, much like the rest of the dress did. She smiled at this twirling slightly, the water sloshing against her calfs. Matt had it worse off, as did the rest of the cast. They were in trousers which were now sticking to everyone's legs, not to mention that apparently they were made out of some of the most itchiest material around being sailor outfits. They all looked incredible smart though apart from the fact that their hair now hung limply down their faces, soaking wet. Much like her own though. Thank goodness the makeup department had waterproof mascara that's all she could think although it was as if the make up was being taken in reverse, Jenna was having to put make up on at the end of the day not take it off!

The noise was also something Jenna had to get used to once more. This time instead of wind machines there were massive water jets in the celling... Yes because that was very normal! Well it was, for Doctor Who anyway. It was also noisy due to the massive cast and crew squeezed, once again, into a tiny room. Because it was so wet and noisy, everyone had to shout to be heard and most of the cameras had shower caps on them to protect them from the falling water. This meant that the lenses needed cleaning and changing constantly to stop them from getting splattered. And this was taking time. So people were getting annoyed. And shouty. Jenna was glad she was an actor for once although all the crew looked like, even under the pressure, they were enjoying it immensely. This was why Doctor Who was such a good programme though. Everyone enjoyed making it come alive.

They were filming some scenes where the Doctor and Clara had just arrive and were literally thrown into the action. At least the water added some effect. And some emotion. And some shivering, even though the water at least tried to be warm or lukewarm. And this time they were inside instead of outside like the Christmas episode had been. Jenna still loved thinking back at that though. Her first proper outside episode, thrown in the deep end.

Now she was being thrown in water. Why, she'd gone up in the world!

Jenna looked over at Matt who came over to her smiling and flicking his fringe about so it flicked water in her face. Over the last week he'd become much sillier with her, starting to relax in her presence. Jenna smiled back at him, squeezing her eyes shut and sticking her tongue out.

"Such a child!" Matt laughed as Jenna hit him slightly on the arm.

"Says you! Oh I could hit you!" Jenna laughed back.

"I think you just did!" Matt replied, slicking his fringe back again as it flopped into position once more.

"I can do it much harder don't you worry!" Jenna grinned as he looked behind him before sticking his tongue out at her. Jenna took the opportunity to flick her hair in his face as he got some in his mouth, laughing and pulling a face.

"It tastes like hairspray!" he complained.

"Then we're even!" Jenna said, knowing how much gel was applied to Matt's mane.

"Touché," Matt smiled, slipping beside her. Literally... Slipping! "Nothing happened!" he coughed as Jenna giggled.

"Your so clumsy! Oh my stars!"

"That's what Clara says!" Matt suddenly cried as Jenna looked at him funnily.

"What?"

"Oh my stars! That's what Clara says!" he explained like she was stupid.

"Oh yeah... Maybe I'm turning into her?"

"Oh yes! You can be funny!"

"Oi!" Jenna cried. "I am funny!"

"Oh you like to think!"

"I know I am!"

"Who says?" Matt asked as Jenna tried to think.

"Everyone!" she finally decided, knowing what Matt was going to do next.

"Paul?" he called over as the member of set came over to them.

"Hello you two," he smiled, knowing it couldn't be anything but the usual. Settling an argument...

"Is Jenna funny?" Matt asked.

"Oh don't say it like that!" Jenna laughed.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm not funny!" she replied.

"I say it like I mean it!" Matt teased as she poked him.

"I think your both as funny as each other," Paul said smiling and trying not to become sided.

"That's not useful!" Matt said as Paul turned from the pair.

"Sorry I have things to do, although I must say that Jenna has the more sophisticated sense of humour," Paul finished running off quickly in the water as he heard the two set off again.

"Ha I told you!"

"Sophisticated means nothing!"

"It means sophisticated!"

"Shut up Coleman!"

"Oi Smith don't tell me to shut up!"

"Or what?"

"Or I'll... I'll... Eat the cookies at lunch!"

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me!"

And then a fit of giggles... Everything was as normal...

Xoxo

"Did you know the ice warriors were in the old series of Doctor Who?" Matt asked as the cast were taking a break on set. They were still in the same place just this time filming a different scene. One that involved the terrifying Ice Warrior. It was the height of it that scared Jenna the most though, it loomed over Matt, making her seem like a toddler in comparison.

"Really?" Jenna asked, nibbling on a cookie at the same time. Matt had the majority though Jenna had managed to pinch one off of him. "Didn't they scare kids too much?"

"Just because your scared Coleman,"

"Ohhhh! I said scare _kids_!"

"Well..."

"What?!"

"Your height..."

"Ohhhh! I'm going to get you!"

Paul was setting up confidential cameras when he saw Jenna chasing Matt out of the corner of his eye. Matt suddenly turned though meaning Jenna ran straight into him as he picked her up, twirling her. Paul smiled to himself, getting back to cleaning the lens of yet another water splattered camera.

"Put me down!" Jenna cried giggling at the same time. Matt grinned as he plonked her back down on the floor, Jenna straightening out her dress again. He liked her laugh so much. Not that he'd ever admit it though. "God your more childish than me!"

"But Ice Warriors don't scare me!" Matt smirked as Jenna placed her hands on her hips, trying to look serious.

"Right Smith!" she said, narrowing her eyes. Matt didn't wait to take his chances this time. Anyway it wasn't as if she was going to catch him. She had shorter legs right? He thought about telling her this but then realised he'd rather stay alive.

Xoxo

"Can you sing?" Matt asked Jenna as she looked over at him. They had to stand in the same positions so the crew could get the measurements for the cameras correct. Matt was to the far left of Jenna, meaning she had to crane her neck to look at him.

"I don't know, I suppose so," Jenna replied. She knew she could sing in tune, weather there was any real talent though was a different matter. To be honest she'd rather stick with acting. "Can you?" she asked.

"Hmmm not sure. I think I can sing in tune, I haven't sung for an age though. Not properly anyway," Matt replied thinking. He supposed he could sing. On his own, with no one around. In front of people was different.

"Why d'ya ask then?" Jenna asked as a tape measure was placed beside her head, tape stuck by her feet.

"Oh I don't know, you have to sing in this episode," he offered as an excuse. That much was true... Jenna did have to sing. It wasn't proper singing though and it was also only a verse. This meant Matt could either be teasing her or meaning something else...

"Ok and now the real reason?" Jenna smiled at him, his excuses not fooling her for a single second.

"What! That was the real reason!" Matt smiled, biting his lip slightly. Jenna grinned at this. He was evidently choosing not to say something. Oh my. Was Matt Smith being shy?

Because Jenna kind of liked it...

Xoxo

It wasn't until Jenna and Matt were lounging about in Matt's apartment that Matt revealed the real reason. They were sitting on the sofa with lemonade, the windows open and a slight breeze coming through as it was June.

"Musicals," Matt suddenly said out of the blue.

"Musicals?" Jenna asked, not quite getting what he was on about at first.

"That's what I was asking you about, the whole singing thing," Matt replied as Jenna realised.

"Oh! What you want to do a musical?" Jenna asked.

"No!.. Maybe... Y'know when you see something and you want to do it, want to be them but you just don't know?.."

"I once watched a documentary on tall people. I can relate," Jenna smiled at him as he laughed back.

"Do you think I could do it?" Matt asked looking down slightly.

"I don't know... Sing for me," Jenna finally said as Matt looked up.

"Really?"

"Really!"

"But I'm shy!"

"Oh come off it you're never shy!" Jenna smiled. There was a small silence as Matt looked away again, his floppy hair covering half of his face. "Ok so you're shy about singing... Just for me though, just a little bit? Please!" she said as he looked at her once more. "Come on you've trusted me this far..." she finally said, winning him over as he stood up.

Xoxo

_Thinking back maybe that's what made him leave Doctor Who. Maybe she was alone because of herself. Maybe she'd pushed him away. Maybe it was her fault._

_Maybe it was karma..._

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey! Looking at the confidential for this episode there wasn't really much to write about so I just made up most of this and added some character development here and there so I hope you don't mind. :) ohhh it's my best friends bday tomorrow and I've got her a surprise party and I just can't wait until she walks into the room tomorrow hehe :) review! night x


	9. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jenna had never really liked hospitals. She had always been a relatively healthy girl as a child although once her mum had panicked thinking she'd contracted meningitis when really it was just chicken pox. Jenna didn't like being ill though, she never went to the doctors. The parmacy at most but she didn't like to make a fuss. This mixed in with her stubborn nature made it very unlikely that she'd ever been to a hospital. She'd found the experience almost exciting as a kid but that was when she was with her perents. Things were very different now she was an adult. Suddenly she was meant to look after herself. She couldn't even do that right...

Another thing she didn't like about hospitals was the fact that she didn't like attention. Everyone would fuss over her. She didn't like fuss... She didn't want fuss... It was fine when she was younger and for once she was the centre of attention, for a short period of time she would be someone cool but now... She had all the attention she needed. Especially with Richard around. The last thing she needed now was a fan or somebody dying for her picture...

And the final thing she hated about hospitals was the smell. They always seemed too clean, the smiles on the nurses too forced, she felt like a baby sometimes, scared by injections, hating the antibacterial gel that you were made to put on, it's liquid stinging every tiny cut on your hand, the gowns that made you look about five and the people. Lots and lots of people in far worse situations than her, making her feel like she was out of place almost...

All of these thoughts were running through her head as Richard pulled up in the car park making a mash in her head, suffocating the rational thoughts and pulling her mind into a frenzy. All of this was covered up by the one thought, penetrating her head, making her every movement set with fear and pain like her head was about to explode...

_What if they found out?_

_What if they found out what she'd done..?_

Richard was looking towards his girlfriend as he turned the engine off. She looked scared... He knew Jenna didn't like hospitals but she almost looked petrified... Maybe she was as scared to find out what was wrong as she was..?

Please let it be nothing bad. She hadn't done anything wrong...

_Oh but how little he knew._

Xoxo

Jenna tried to seem a little more confidant as she reached the entrance of the white NHS building. It was quite busy, being the early afternoon. There was a little boy with a wad of tissues placed under his chin, wearing a blue blood soaked football kit. On the far side of the room a young girl holding her arm tightly against her chest, tear stained cheeks revealing that it was most likely broken... An old couple were sat in the middle both reading separate books and a pregnant lady, despartly trying to get her child off to sleep, whilst the other ran riot around her legs. All of these people were just ones who stood out in amidst the many others in the waiting room just surrounding the main entrance. Richard guided Jenna to the desk as the receptionist smiled pointing to the phone beside her ear and holding up two fingers to let them know that she would be a while. Richard nodded hugging Jenna close.

"I don't like hospitals," Jenna muttered as Richard smiled kissing her lightly on the head.

"I know but don't worry we'll be out of here soon I promise," he smiled as Jenna yawned, trying to ignore the smell burning her nostrils and threatening to make her throw up. Not that she would throw up much thinking about it. She hadn't eaten anything for over a day... It was like she'd completely forgotten about it...

The receptionist typed away on the computer for a few minuets before finally putting the receiver down and facing Jenna and Richard.

"Afternoon," she smiled, in that fake way that all these sort of people did around here. As if they knew that people were dying. Trying to help people, make their day easier in that patronising way... Jenna hated it. The receptionist didn't say anything else, almost as if she expected Jenna to know what to say. She didn't. What could she say? Something that didn't make her seem needy but something that didn't give the game away. Her 'caught in the spotlight' look seemed to grab Richard's attention though as he spoke for her.

"Hi, my girlfriend has a severe migraine that isn't seeming to go away? Shes taken painkillers haven't you Jen?"

Just a nod. That was definitely the safest option.

"She had an accident yesterday but the doctor checked her out and said she was fine," he continued.

Another nod. This one was a lie. Better still to say nothing again...

"Did you get checked out at the hospital here?" the receptionist asked, already bored with their story. Jenna froze.

"N... no," she finally said as Richard took over once more.

"She only arrived here last night," he explained as Jenna let out a sigh of relief. Hopefully they wouldn't question her on that any further...

"Have you thrown up in the last twenty four hours?" the receptionist asked Jenna, obviously ignoring the fact that the questions were throwing her and hurting her aching head. Richard was no help here either.

_Grow up Jenna. Your twenty seven, not six..._

"No," she said, her voice coming out as a crack. She coughed even though it killed, trying to sound an ounce more normal.

"Eaten anything?"

"No," she replied. Now she could feel Richards eyes burning into the back of her head. Even the receptionist looked at her a little more skeptically. More interested even...

"Drunk anything?"

"An instant hot chocolate last night," Jenna said truthfully as the looks lessened, becoming slightly easier again.

"Name?"

"Jenna Coleman,"

"Date of Birth?"

"27/4/86,"

"Thank you, if you'd like to take a seat and a doctor will be with you shortly," the receptionist finished, going back to her professional self. Richard took Jenna to the waiting room chairs as they sat between another elderly couple and a woman with twin boys. One of the boys stared constantly at Jenna until his mother told him off. She knew why though, she probably looked a state. She'd managed to put a jumper and some tracksuit bottoms on over her t shirt but she had no make up on, her hair matted and tangled. She must have looked a state.

_Come on Jenna. What are you doing?!_

It wasn't long before Jenna was called in either. Probably because the receptionist had put her down with 'brain injury'. The nurse looked equally bored as she ushered the two in. Richard kept very close to her side she noticed, as the two walked through the doors into a smaller room which smelt just as clean. The doctor turned in his chair to greet them as Jenna managed a weak smile.

"Afternoon Miss Coleman, how are you?" he asked, not really wanting an answer. It was pretty obvious how she was. She was in hospital. "I hear you bumped your head?"

Jenna nodded, already feeling like a child, looked down on and patronised. Maybe she was overreacting though.

"It says here that your having migraines, is that right?"

Again a nod. This was feeling like de-ja vu.

"On a scale of one to ten how bad is the pain right now?" he asked.

It was a ten. Jenna knew it was. Or at least a nine... Maybe an eight?..

"Seven..?" she replied hopefully. She didn't want to underestimate but she also didn't want to over exaggerate.

"Ok and has it gotten worse since you woke up?"

This time a shake of the head. She hadn't been thinking about it as much, her mind on much more troubling matters. She couldn't get found out. It was far too risky.

"Ok can I have a look in your eyes for one moment please?" he asked as she nodded, leaning forwards so he could look in, shining a bright light that made her head ache. "Everything is fine there..." he said, more to himself then to her. "I'm just going to put this into your ear, is that ok?"

"Yes," she said, turning her head as he poked the instrument into both of her ears. Finally he took her blood pressure, the sleeve making her panic slightly as it tightened up but finally the prodding was over, Jenna, now somehow exhausted, slumped back in the seat once more, Richards hand on her leg. Waiting. Just waiting for the doctors verdict...

Everything seems to be fine but I'm just trying to see what we might have missed... I'm sure there's nothing to worry about but I just want to make sure so I'd quite like to take some bloods ok? It's perfectly in keeping with routine, it simply to make sure we haven't missed something out ok?

Why did he keep saying ok? Things were anything but ok. He wasn't fooling anyone.

"Sure..." Jenna replied, trying to think about when she last had a blood test... It must have been back when she was a child. When you were allowed numbing cream and cold sprays and a book to read. Things were going to be different now. She was grown up now. Not that she felt it. She felt about seven...

Sure enough there was no cream, spray or book for her as she eyed up the needle. It wasn't like it was long... Just the thought of it going into her made her wince. At least she had Richard there. Normally she liked being her own person but today she was glad of him being over protective. She squeezed his hand as it went in, trying not to look as her dark red blood was forced out. She had to act grown up. Like an adult.

_Come on Jenna. Twenty seven. Not six..._

Soon it was over though and with one final check to make sure the phone numbers were still correct on Jenna's NHS forms, the two were out of there. Richard held onto her but didn't say a word as they walked to the car, finally speaking up as they set off.

"So they think your ok, or you will be ok..." he pondered.

"Why? Don't you?" Jenna asked, trying to hide the panic rising in her voice.

"Of corse I do! No! I didn't mean it like that but..." Richard started before ultimately deciding against it.

"What?" Jenna asked, fearing the answer but wanting to know more than anything now.

"Don't worry darling, I'm glad your ok, you just gave me a shock that's all. Let's get you home, get you fed and get you better," he smiled as she smiled back.

"I'm sorry about today..." she said, truly meaning it. "Yeah, we have to go to London tomorrow," she realised. The two were going up to see Matt's musical, Jenna having to make a few media performances first, starting with the One Show the next day.

"You know you can cancel right? If you want?" Richard said.

"I'll be fine," Jenna protested, praying to God that she was right.

"Good, good, I just don't think you were telling the whole truth back at the hospital..." Richard trailed off. Jenna knew what he was getting at. He hadn't heard the 'whole' truth either...

"I'm fine ok?"

"Ok,"

"And anyway," Jenna smiled. "I have you as my doctor, right?"

"Oh defiantly! I will fulfil your every need babe," he grinned at her as she laughed.

There was one thing though. It was bad but thinking about it there was one Doctor she'd much prefer right now...

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey people. So I know that some of you will be going 'what?! She's ok?!' But haha just you wait ;) anyway how's your week been? Mines been ok cause I was in half term for most of it. ;) back at school now and we have jabs tomorrow :( at least I miss my science test! Yay night x


	10. I'm sorry (Not a chapter)

Hi Yes I can already tell your reaction. Err this isn't a chapter which (I hope!) disappoints some of you but I need your help ok? So I made a bad choice ha because I started writing this fanfiction at the wrong time. At the moment I have exams all over the place and a billion things going on in my life. My mum doesn't like me writing this fic at all and that means that trying to write a 2,000 word chapter is kinda hard and I thought a week was long enough. It err isn't as you can tell :/ also I'm not really into this fic mainly because Doctor Who isn't on so my interest in the programme is being taken over with interests for other things. This was going to be a good story though. So? I have a proposition. I need a co-writer to continue. I know it's a big ask but if not then your all going to have to wait until my mocks are over (after Easter) for an update. It's just I'm not very good at Maths and stuff so I really need to work hard (I know right it sucks!) So if your interested then PM me? Please? One more thing... THIS FANFICTION WILL BE FINISHED! Just let me get some good grades and get my mum off of my back first ok? Or come and co-write with me? ;) Ok your all awesome and I'm really really sorry I feel rubbish for having to do this. I wish you got grades for writing fanfictions instead of maths... :/ I'll update when I can I promise but please PM me? Thanks night x 


End file.
